Waiting on book post

I can't cope. I cannot cope with the waiting. It drives me insane, I cannot think straight and I end up obsessing over when the hell my things will arrive. So I've decided to document this morning's waiting, because if I don't do something soon, I'm going to lose my mind. 

1.) So, I woke up. I was all like, "Woo, my post is arriving today!" That's all well and good but I haven't paid for super-fast delivery because let's face it, I may as well just go with the FREE super-saver delivery because, well, it's free. Anyway, I roll over in my bed, all happy and fluttery in the safe knowledge that today, some lovely books will be arriving with my name on them. I check my emails and grin when I spot the one that informs me of the delivery of my books. Yay, the fact that I've even got this email must mean that they're pretty close by now, right? RIGHT? Smiley, happy, little me hops out of bed, goes through the usual daily morning routine and then pops the kettle on, ready to sip my first coffee of the morning, TODAY'S GOING TO BE A FABULOUS DAY!!!!!

2.) Okay. It's cool. It's still early. They have ages yet, nothing to worry about. There's probably a million other deliveries that they have had to make on the way to me. It's cool, man. It's cool. May as well have another coffee, scroll through Twitter, announce that my parcels will be arriving although my twitter buddies are probably sick and tired of hearing about them. (Sorry tweethearts!) Woohoo, just breezing through, nothing can darken my day. I'm not even bothered that they're not here yet. I'm really not. I'm just chillin', seriously, look how chilled I am. 

3.) There's only so many times I can talk about a delivery of books on Twitter. People get books delivered all the time. Weather seems nice out there; I wonder what the delivery dude is doing right now? Maybe he stopped off for a coffee and something to eat. Yeah, he's probably hungry from all the driving around he's doing. I think it's best anyway, that he gets some fuel into his system. It means that he's better prepared for making the journey out here, doesn't it? He's more aware, less chance of him taking a wrong turn and heading the wrong way. In fact, I'm actually really glad that he's decided to stop off for breakfast. Good on him! Good on you, Mr delivery man! You just do what you've gotta' do! 

4.) I do think they should send the delivery guy's number to people who are waiting on parcels. I mean, not that I'm obsessing, I just think it would be easier. See, if I had his number, I would have only sent one text saying, "See you when you get here with my parcels! Have a lovely trip!" I definitely wouldn't be sending text after text, saying things along the lines of, "Whereabouts are you?" and "How far away would you say you are, in terms of time?" No, that would be weird. Definitely wouldn't do that. I just think it's more practical, that's all. Everyone likes to know where their parcels are at, don't they? It's just human nature, no big deal. 

5.)  Ooh, I just heard a car parking up outside. I didn't just almost hurl myself through the bedroom window in my haste to see who it is. Okay, I did, but that's besides the point. THERE'S KNOCKING! THERE'S KNOCKING ON THE DOOR! Racing down the stairs, I snatch my keys from off the cabinet and slide down the hallway. I just take a few seconds to compose myself and then open the door gracefully and slowly, plastering a "Oh wow, I wasn't expecting anything" look onto my face. Instead of a man bearing parcels, there's a family friend standing there, handing me some keys and asking me to pass them on. Back upstairs I go. 

6.) Okay, he's bound to be here any minute. I'll calm myself down, take a few deep breaths and have another scroll through Twitter. DAMN IT! WHY ARE OTHER PEOPLE RECEIVING BOOK POST ALREADY?! TODAY WAS MY BOOK POST DAY!!! OMGGGG! No, no, it's fine, it's fine, they're different people with different books. No biggie. Stop being such a drama queen.

7.) Just taking a carefree stroll into the kitchen. Just having a general look out of the window. Nothing untoward is happening, no delivery man with a foot stuck in a drain or anything like that. Hmm. Maybe, just maybe, I should grab one of the camping chairs from the shed and pitch up in the front garden. It'll look totally casual. Ooh! I'll even get a flask of coffee I think, and the newspaper, and just sit there, and then when he arrives and I can be all nonchalant and say, "This weather, eh?" and then squint up at the sun. 

8.) Okay, I didn't get the chair. I'm back in my bedroom. Everything seems quiet. Keeping a close ear on the road outside. I'd say on a scale of one to ten, I'm a ten at waiting. Especially for books. Because I just know there'll be here soon. It's not like I'm hanging out the window waving a red flag in case he drives past but is unsure of where the parcels are intended for. I don't have a red flag, damn it! 

9.) It's practically afternoon now. I'm getting a bit worried. Maybe I should phone the company and just ask for the whereabouts of the driver? No. No, I'm not going to do that. That's creepy. I'll use this opportunity to get dressed. I can't just sit in my pajamas all day waiting for books, can I? That would just be stupid. 

10.) *still in pajamas, banging head against desk* Perhaps next time I'll pay for the super-fast delivery because surely it should be here by now? Am I last on the delivery list? Maybe he's stopped off for an early lunch too, because it's around about that time that you'd have an early lunch. That's okay. That's an acceptable reason to keep me waiting. We all love food, don't we? I don't blame him, I'd be stopping off for an early lunch too. Definitely. 

11.) *sobs, still in pajamas* This isn't fair! What have I done to deserve this torture?! I should have just ordered books that I don't even want! Actually no, that wouldn't work because I want every book, so I'd still basically be in the same situation, wouldn't I? ARGH! Right, I'll do some hoovering or something, or go run a marathon or travel around the world or even have an early lunch myself, then we can laugh about it as he hands me my parcels and wishes me a good day. 

12.)   *crawls along the floor towards the door* why-is-it-taking-so-damn-long? *faceplants floor and remains there until further notice*

13.) Eventually gives up hope whilst also losing faith in humanity, and crawls back up the stairs. I'm going in the bath, that's the only option I have left. The only thing that will calm me down and soothe my wounded soul. 

14.) Whilst reading in a bath of bubbles, there's a knock at the door. Typical, bloody typical. I hear my partner open the door and in a few seconds he knocks on the bathroom door. I unlock it and he passes me an amazon parcel. I eye it with glee and practically snatch it out of his hands, before slamming the door and ripping it apart. And there they are; three glorious books ready and waiting to be read. I pop them all back in their packaging and lie back in the bath, with a satisfied grin on my face. 

15.) The lesson here is, if you're waiting on book post, try to remain calm. 

Becca xxx

2 comments :

  1. I totally know this feeling! Great post, I loved reading it! I know that whenever I hear a car door slam tomorrow I will be standing in front of my window to look outside and check if it's the mailman. There's one delivery service here that has a website where you can check the time. Which is great in theory, only it doesn't work very often. Hopefully you'll have a chance to wait for a nice package again very soon. Because let's face it, those hours are hard, but the reward is so big!

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  2. :-) brilliant! It's the worst thing isn't it! It's not even like you will start reading all the books straight away either it's just the waiting!

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